


Of all the Moirails on Alternia

by Topology_no_jutsu



Category: Hiveswap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-09-29 00:32:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 21,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17193119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Topology_no_jutsu/pseuds/Topology_no_jutsu
Summary: Your name is Polypa Goezee, and you swear your Alien Moirail is trying to give you a pump biscuit attack.





	1. Chapter 1

Being an assassin wasn’t always the most glamorous life.  Sure it could pay a lot, if you took the big contracts.  You didn’t have any real say in the matter, after losing your home and lusus.  At least this way you weren’t going hungry.  It also came with the weird perk of an Alien Moirail, so it wasn’t all bad either.  It was also a very big secret to your pretty much only other friend.

“See this is the kind of high qua/ity content I search for” Tegiri was chowing down on some buttery exploded kernels as you watched ‘Dragonball Strifers Z’ together.

“They’ve been yelling for fourteen episodes Tegs * they definitely don’t have normal bellowsacs *|” you stuff your own mouth full of buttery exploded goodness.  “Any word from our missing Alien?*|”

“No my pa/mhusk is sti// si/ent, they’ve yet to rep/y” he didn’t seem too concerned but you couldn’t shake this feeling, the Alien was prone to making idiotic decisions.  “Why not ca// them on your pa/mhusk if you’re so worried?”

“Nah * I’m sure it’s fine * chances are they just got caught up doing something dumb *|” you just hope whatever dumb thing it is, is also harmless.

You pull up chittr to check if there’s any kind of update on there.  You see a lot of updates actually, wow you should check this more often.  They met Marvus?  And befriended him?  What was with them and their infectious charm?  Oh it looks like their at a wrestling event with that one artist troll, you navigate to a page to see the lineup.  Your breathing stops as you the top video on the page is of them, in the cage with undefeated legend Nihkee Moolah.

“Tegs * I have to leave right now immediately *|” you grab your coat and head for the door.

“What why?”

“Gotta save my Moirail from being suplexed out of existence * feel free to finish this arc without me * I can look it up online *|” you set out on your way to the muscular theatre, prepared to scrape their remains from the cage.

Rushing over you shove into the arena, having to push past the leaving crowds.  The cage is empty, presumably since the massacre of a fight is already over.  You can’t see the Alien anywhere dammit.  You spot one of their friends, one of the younger ones, you don’t remember her name at all but still head over to her.

“Where’s the alien *|” you cut straight to it.

“like i know they ditched me and then ended uup in the cage” she’s clearly a bit displeased with the Alien.  “and now they won’t respond to my message, uugh.”

“Did they survive the fight*|” it’s not that you don’t believe in them, but they are very weak.

“oh yeah they got took ouut by Nihkee, couuld be in the locker room i guuess” she kinda shrugs disinterested.  “if youu find them tell them i left already”

You give her an affirmative grunt before heading off in search of the locker rooms.  Thankfully all the intersections are labeled so it’s actually very easy to navigate.  After going between the locker areas you turn come up empty handed.  You start trying to find someone who saw were they went, they couldn’t have just vanished.  Eventually you find one of the announcers who seems to know.

“Oh yeah the Alien, after the match Nihkee took off with them” this guy was just a generic announcer troll.

“Where did she take them *|” you try to sound polite but you’re also not in the mood for a waste of a conversation.

“I dunno you’ll have to ask her manager.”

“Where can I find her manager *|” now you’re getting a bit more annoyed with this guy.

“Probably her office duh” now he’s just being a smart ass.

“Thanks *|” you curtly thank him and leave, resisting the urge to punch him.

Finding the manager proves to be quite difficult.  Unlike most of the other areas there’s no signs leading to the offices.  You give up searching the building, at this point it’s practically empty anyways.  Pulling up your palmhusk you sigh as you look for a favor to cash in.  You end up on the username snakeBytes, he doesn’t currently owe you anything.  You need his help though so you prepare for some inane task he’ll want in return.

“Hey * I need you to help me find Nihkee Moolah’s hive *|” your message is short and to the point.

“why would i help with that;” of course that’s what he says.

“What do you want in return *|” you grumble to yourself fairly annoyed as you reply.

“one of my boys has been having trouble with a yellow blood recently;  you take care of them i’ll get you the address;” attached to the message is a picture and name, you’ve never seen this troll before but whatever.

“Deal *|” you get back some info about where the guy is currently.

You leave the muscular theatre and stop to pick up a disguise.  Nothing to fancy, it’s not a big time job.  You’d still rather keep your identity secret though.  Set with a hat and sweatshirt you take off after the mark.  He’s eating some cylindrical shaped meat product as he’s heading somewhere.  You pull out the slingshot you grabbed for the job.  As discreetly as possible you line the shot up and take it.  The yellow blood goes down as your shot hits him square in the head, taking a large chunk of head with it.  You quickly begin your escape procedure, ditching the hat and sweatshirt in a nearby incinerator.  Your palmhusk buzzes.

“not bad; here’s that address;” attached to the message is the address of Nihkee’s place.

You don’t bother replying, instead you just head right there.  You decide the direct route is the best, don’t want to get caught sneaking in here.  You knock on the hive’s entrance.

“[()] BACK SO SOON?” Nihkee quickly throws the door open causing you to jump back.  “[()] oh you’re not my workout friend.”

You hear the word friend and feel a little at ease.  That nut case was damn good at making friends.

“I’m actually looking for the Alien* any chance their still here *|” you can’t actually see past her massive bulk to look inside.

“[()] no they just left actually, we had quite the work out though” she flexes for emphasis, your shirt gains sleeves just for them to burst off.

“Great * any idea where they went *|” just your luck really.

“[()] i think they were headed back to their hive, i was kinda distracted by the spirit of lifting though” you don’t really know what you were expecting from the walking wall of muscle that is Nihkee.

“Well * thanks *|” now you have to find the Alien’s hive, since when do they have a hive?

“[()] any time” she flexes you off.

You sigh a little frustrated.  You wasted almost the whole night over nothing.  You knew the Alien would be fine from the start but he you were, not watching ‘Dragonball Strifers Z.’  You decide to just ask if Tegiri knows where their hive is.  He replies quite fast.

“Yeah.  Tyzias to/d me, it’s an abandoned watch tower outside of town” for once someone had the info you needed and fast.

“Thank you *|” you feel a little bad for having skipped Eastern Alternian Appreciation club for this fruitless chase so you thank him.

Equipped with this last bit of information you head off in the direction of a watch tower.  After an hour you successfully find the one you want.  Climbing into it run into the Alien, they seem mostly fine aside from a black eye.  You give them a fierce head pat.

“Don’t worry me like that again * getting into the ring against Nihkee Moolah * how are you still alive *|” you mask your concern with irritation.

The Alien explains that it just sort of happened with a shrug, only causing you be more irritated.  Seriously, how had they made it this far.  You press them for all the details and they give them to you.

“Don’t just follow a stranger in a muscular theatre * especially under those questionable of reasons *|” granted they tagged on along with you after an assassination, but still.

They call you on that bit of hypocrisy, they certainly hadn’t forgotten how you’d met.  They assure you it was for a good reason.

“Offers of friendship then *|” you know their MO.

You sigh and slump down in their hive.  You’re quite tired from the night, and the sun was on the rise.  They offer an open floor spot for you, happily you take it.  At least you had another place to crash at now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the comments and kudos!

You check your palmhusk again, how the hell could you mark be this late to their daily coffee.  You’ve planned this for three weeks; watched their every move and the one constant on each day was stopping at this coffee shop three hours ago.  There’s no way they could have picked up on your watching, you had used twenty-one different disguises to be safe.  So where the hell could this clown be.  It also didn’t help you had the jitters due to it being a literal clown, purple bloods were not easy marks.  Finally you see the clown you’re after, and she’s with someone.  Great, someone you know.

“liTTle one This is where we parT, i am already laTe” Chahut was for some reason, you assume friendship, with your Moirail.

They thankfully understand and apologize for keeping her.  They head off, presumably to Tegiris place for the Easter Alternian Fine Animated Art Appreciation Society meeting.  A meeting you were probably going to be late for.  Your mark enters the café.  They walk over and sit across from you, you try to play it cool even though this is very much not what you planned.

“so” Chahut’s large form probably made for quite the contrast your own size.  “leT’s jusT geT This business ouT of The way.  you goT poison, or a blasTer or someThing else?”

You pull out a few vials of poison from your jacket, making sure not too look away from her while doing so.

“by The messiahs, you come prepared” she sounds almost impressed by your assortment.  “Take your pick while i go geT a drink.”

This feels, really strange.  She definitely knows you’ve been hired to kill her, but doesn’t actually seem to care.  Clown priests are supposed to be incredibly strong, but not poison proof.  Was she just overly confident you wouldn’t be able to kill her?  You’d sure her, no one’s gotten away from you alive.

“This place is always quiTe good aT service speed” she plops a large drink on the table as she sits down.  “go ahead, dump whaTever you’ve goT in There.”

You uncork most of the vials and pour them in, the smell of them mixing with Faygo is less than ideal.  She looks amused now by your efforts.  Once you’ve dumped or re-stashed the vials she grabs the cup and chugs it.  This was either going to be the easiest job ever, or the worst.  After a few minutes of silence she speaks up.

“yeah, gonna need a lil someThin else liTTle one” fucking purple bloods.

“Do you want me to kill you *|” now you’re just confused about this whole ordeal.

“i mean yeah, ThaT’s whaT i’m paying you for ain’T iT” well that was, unexpected to hear.

“You’re the one who put the job up * why not save the money and do it yourself *|” you didn’t like having your time, or expensive poisons, wasted by some clown.

“The messiahs frown upon such cowardly behavior, i figured geTTing someone else To do iT would keep my spoT in The dark carnival” her amused expression had morphed into a frown now.  “now whaT else you goT up your sleeves?”

You pull out a hand full of knives, a few explosives and that slingshot you picked up.  She eyes them before dropping her club on the table.  She either really wanted you to kill her, or was completely nuts.  You never could know with clowns.

“You want me * to use your club to kill you *|” you could probably use the thing, it was defiantly bigger than you though.

“unless you’re abouT To pull ouT someThing beTTer suiTed for The job, yeah” she was certainly nonchalant enough to be crazy.

You weigh your options.  On the one hand, she had already payed up front, makes sense as to why.  On the other, you didn’t really want to help her kill herself, especially since she knows your Moirail.  Against all of your better judgement, you decide to ask about this.

“Why do you want me to kill you *|” you could feel the Alien rubbing off on you, god you cannot be getting soft.

“do you care?” she raised her eyebrow with the question.

“Not really * but I’ll hear no end of it if I kill you * and filling quadrants is not easy in this line of work *|”

“you and a clown?”

“What * no * the Alien *|” you realize this sounds worse than a clown.  “We’re moirails *|”

“ah, ThaT makes sense, They are like ThaT” she hides her surprise very well.

“Yeah so * tell me why so I can offer at least a half assed explanation later *|”

“i don’T have long for alTernia, and i Think i’d raTher join The dark carnival Than go off world” she looks, sad about this.

“Fine then * let’s go outback *|” you get up, grabbing you assortment of knives, you let her grab the club.

She takes it and follows you out.  The garden back here was surprisingly nice, hopefully it’d still be Zen covered in purple blood.  You stretch, the hours of sitting made you quite uncomfortable.  With a loud thud she drops the club for you on the ground.  You grab it by the handle, it’s heavy, with a big heave you get it up.

“So * am I just gonna beat you death with this * or are we fighting *|” she had payed your premium rate so you give her the choice.

“i Think one lasT fighT sounds good” she cracks her knuckles.

You swing the club at her, she blocks it with and arm but the cracking sound means it did some damage.  You nimbly dodge back from one of her swings, you knew going into this it’d be more of a massacre than a fight.  Her one arm now is just hanging at her side, mangled and bloody.  You were so keeping this club afterwards.  She dashes towards you, her speed catches you off guard and her next swing connects.  You feel your own bones crack under her fist as you get thrown back.  Maybe it was a fight after all.  Spitting up some olive blood you wind up for another swing as she approaches.  She ducks under this one, but you pivot back and catch her mid wind up.  More cracks and snaps as you knock her back.  There’s purple blood coming out of her mouth now and her breathing was heavier.  She tries to kick at you but her movements are slow and easy to avoid.  You bring the club down on her head after one of her misses, the hit breaks her balance and she careens to the ground.  You lock eyes with her.

“finish me” her words come out along with more of her blood.

You bring the club up to your shoulder, readying a final overhead swing.  You can feel your palmhusk vibrating in your pocket.  Probably Tegiri or the Alien calling about the Easter Alternian Fine Animated Art Appreciation Society meeting.  You ignore it as you swing down.  As the club connects there’s a huge bright flash, it blinds you.  It does more than blind you, you can’t feel anything, the sounds of the city around you go silent, it’s all over taken by the white.

“i am already laTe” suddenly the world comes back into focus and your inside the café again.

Chahut and the Alien are outside talking, your memories of what just happened are, fuzzy.  Didn’t you just kill her?  You see the two of them come inside and head over to you.  This isn’t right, but, what does that even mean.

“sorry i’m so laTe, my liTTle friend here makes The Time fly” she pulls up a chair for them as they both join you.  “alien This is polypa, my uh.”

She’s looking at you like she’s about to say a lie to cover up that she hired you to kill her.  Wait how do you know she hired you?  You take a drink of you coffee to clear your head.

“my maTespriTe” you spit out your coffee, she kicks your leg.  “sorry i know, buT This is my really good friend so i ThoughT iT’d be fine to Tell Them.”

They wave to you, and you wave back earning a surprised look from Chahut.

“Yeah * they are my Moirail * I just didn’t want to tell them without your ok *|” you go along with her poor cover up, preferring to saying she’d hired you to kill her.

The Alien seems quite excited for the both of you.  Two of their friends being matesprites meant, to them, it would be easier to see both of them.  Oh no.

“of course” Chahut is about to say the biggest lie of all time.  “polypa sTays over aT my place all The Time, we could absoluTely hang ouT all TogeTher.”

“Of course we can *|” you give her some side eye with this.

The Alien seems quite excited about this, but then remembers there’s a Easter Alternian Fine Animated Art Appreciation Society meeting.  They ask if you’re skipping it for this date?

“Oh * uh * yeah totally * that’s exactly what I’m doing * could you please cover for me with Tegs *|” you actually did want to go, but clearly you and your new Matesprite had things to discuss.

They head to the meeting with a final wave to you both.  Leaving you and Chahut in a very awkward silence.

“so, iT sTands To say, i am noT good on The spoT for lying” she was certainly honest.

“Oh really * I hadn’t noticed *|” you figure there wasn’t going to be any killing now.  “Still want me to kill you * or nah *|”

“aT This raTe i Think i’ll die of embarrassmenT” she doesn’t seem confused by your knowing she hired you.  “buT you can keep The pay, if you help me keep up This lie.”

“You want me * to fake date you * because of a lie you just shat out of your mouth moments ago *|” she had to realize how crazy that sounded right.

“yes absoluTely” she really was this desperate.

“Fine * but you’re paying for our dates *|” this could only end badly based off all the romance novels you’d read in the past.

“undersTandable does Three days from now work for our firsT daTe?” she sure didn’t waste any time.

  “Yeah I can swing that * make sure to dress nice for a commemorative photo * you know to really sell it *|” you were a professional in this category.

“you’re a genius” for a high blood, Chahut wasn’t so bad, seemingly.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To all the commentators: Im love you all.

You were careless.  You knew better than to reuse a disguise, but you used the one you wore for Chahut again.  The wound in your leg made it painfully clear your target had been in that coffee shop.  Running for your life in a place you had nowhere to hide and no one to help you was, very much less than ideal.  Hiding in this alley wouldn’t work for much longer; if the shaking of the ground as the indigo blood drew nearer was any indicator.  You’d had worse odd before, but this somehow felt like the end.  This wasn’t the end you’d expected, cowering by some garbage all alone.  Maybe it was better than being culled by the drones, who could say though.  You tighten your grip around a knife, you weren’t going down without a fight that was for sure.

“Found you WEAKling” the indigo blood threw the dumpster aside, why did they all have to be so fucking swol.

You roll to dodge a hammer swing, they had the reach and strength advantage here.  You scan the alley way quickly once again, something had to be able to give you an edge.  A fruit peel gives you an idea, an awful one, but it was better than nothing.

“Big talk * I bet it’s easy to compensate with a weapon like that *|” you verbally prod them as you dash in close to them, slashing at their leg.

“I’ll crush you!” they swing around after you blindly charging after you.

You hop over the peel and quickly drop low.  They slid on it and crash into you.  It takes all your strength but you manage to heave them into the dumpster.  Quickly, while their still stunned from the impact, you slam the button on the dumpster.  The flames quickly blast out burning the indigo blood alive.  You slump against the side of the dumpster, the blood loss and the brief fight had sapped the last of you strength.  With your luck a drone sweep would finish you off before daybreak. 

“Oh fuck this *|” you’re not sure why you speak out your frustrations at the situation, but it makes you feel a little better as you start to lose consciousness.

Through your fluttering eyelids you see something big approaching you.  At least you’d be out when the drone put you out of your misery.  You black out against the dumpster.

“Time To wake up liTTle one” a firm, but gentle hand, shakes you awake.

As you groggily and slowly to wake up, you realize rather happily that you’re not dead.  As your vision becomes clearer you also realize you’re looking up at Chahut, have you become a walking fucking romance trope.  You push her away and get up from the couch you’re on.

“How long was I out for *|” you come off as probably very rude, but you do not want this to become a fake dating to real dating situation.

“abouT a day” she doesn’t seem put off by your rudeness.  “i did my besT To paTch you up, buT i’m noT The besT aT iT.”

Your leg was certainly down an open wound that was true.  It did sting a bit but not too much.  You want to get out of here before any other garbage romance tropes happen.

“You didn’t have to help me * but thank you *|” you turn of your rude asshole mode to be nice, since she did save your life.  “I need to head back out though *|”

“ThaT’s a no go, iT’s sun up and you’re sTill noT healed” she place a firm hand on your shoulder.

Well that’s great, now you’re stuck in here.  With her.  Alone.  You swear if there’s only one recupracoon in this whole fucking hive you’ll lose your mind.  You relent to her hand and sit back down on the couch.

“Take iT nice and easy, The leasT i can do is help you ouT while you’re down” she pulls out some food and water for you, you begrudgingly take it.

“I don’t want you getting the wrong idea here * we’re not real matesprites * and I don’t need your help I would’ve been just fine *|” you do your best to sound indignant with her while you stuff your face.

“sure, i’m sure you pass ouT on dumpsTers while bleeding all The Time” she rolls her eyes at you.  “i helped you because you helped me wiTh my lie, ThaT’s all.  i barely have a perigee lefT on planeT so i ain’T looking for a relaTionship.”

You feel a little, put down by that.  No, no you don’t, you don’t care at all.  Fuck you better not care, especially if she’s leaving planet soon.  You focus your attention on eating instead of feelings.  Something else in the room catches your eye.  A picture frame.  She framed a picture of you two, and put it in her living room?

“iT’s more convincing if i have iT ouT” she clearly noticed where your eyes wandered to.

“Oh * yeah of course *|” you don’t believe that’s why she has it out at all but let it slide.

The two of you sit in a somewhat uncomfortable silence for a short while, the only sound being your munching.  You still feel tired but out of fear refuse to bring it up, you refused to let this become a trashy romance novel.  After you finish eating you lean back against the couch, only to feel not the couch.  Had she, no she couldn’t have, oh yes, she’d done the yawn-stretch while you were eating.  And you leaned right into it, you absolute fool.

“oh sorry” she notices you noticing her move, but doesn’t actually move.  “goTTa sTrech The ol reacher grabbers, you know how iT is.”

Oh.  This was how she wanted to play this huh.  Well you are a goddamn professional and will not be out done.  You yawn, as adorably as you possibly can, before leaning against her side.  You feel her tense up against you, that’s right this is a game for two strifers.

“Oh * sorry * my back is still kinda sore from the fight *|” you make sure to nuzzle against her here.  “So I’m just gonna rest like this for a bit * that is * if it’s alright for me to do so *|”

“uh, yeah iT’s ToTally, uh, cool” yeah she came ill prepared for this battle alright.

You know you have the upper hand, but you press the advantage.  You start to purr, knowing full well the devastation this attack would bring about.  If the confused honk she makes is any indicator, purr successful.  You freeze slightly as you feel her hand on your head.  Your purring deepens as she starts petting you.  Dammit you’d played right into her hand, this error would certainly spell your loss in this confrontation.  You had to pull away, take away her unbeatable weapon.  But, the pets, they’re just, too strong.  You can’t bring yourself to pull away from her hand as she gently ran it through your hair.  You thought she was but a child playing soldier, but no, she was a master of war.  You bury you face against her so she doesn’t see your blush, weakness had to be hidden at all costs.  The sound of her yawn brings the petting to a stop and you scooch away from her.

“my bad, buT i’m kinda beaT” oh no, no no no no.  “and i Think you mighT heal up fasTer in a recupracoon.  i uh, only have one Though, so we mighT need To share.”

No, you had to say no.  No matter how sore you felt, or how badly you needed to get back to peak condition.  You had to refuse this, you had to be strong.

“That’s fine *|” shit!

Chahut stands up slowly, stretching.  You sneak a peek, eyes locking onto her slightly revealed midsection instantly.  You hear a slight chuckle from her, she knew what she was doing.  But once again she forgot, two could play this game.  You yawn and over-exaggerate the stretch, making sure you pull your own shirt up.  You smirk as you catch her eyes peeking at you.  What the hell were you doing!  You quickly cut the crap and stand up after her.  This was not going to be a thing, and you were going to cut out this bullshit ASAP.  You wobble a bit, you hadn’t actually walked in a full day.

“here, leT me help” she scoops you up in her arms, you blush a bit.

“I can walk * so please put me down *|” you did not want to suffer through this embarrassment.

“nonsense liTTle one, chahuT’s goT you” the way she weirdly referenced herself in the third person, was weirdly hot to you.

Despite you pride, you let yourself get carried through the hive.  It was pretty nice, expected from a purple blood like her.  The religious iconography was also expected, due to her ties to the church.  You eventually end up in her respiteblock.  There it was.  The fated, single, recupracoon.  It was like it was calling to you, beckoning you in.  Somehow it felt like your whole life was leading you to this point.  After setting you down Chahut removes her clothes before climbing in, you avert your gaze.  You swore off this buffoonery moments ago.  Once she’s inside you pause.  Maybe you should just, go back to the couch.

“whaT’s The maTTer, darlin” you freeze at her words, she freezes too.  “i uh, mean, uh, yeah fuck iT.  i mean darlin.”

You take a deep breath.  It wasn’t too late to prevent the disaster this situation was full speed ahead plowing towards.  You just had to not remove all your clothesnot , climb into the recupracoon, and not have intercourse with the large clown you were fake dating.  It was as easy as that.

“So yeah * I definitely fucked Chahut *|” you fill the Alien in on the details of your very, strange day.  “So much for fake dating * am I right *|”

They give you a confused look, right.  You weren’t supposed to tell them about the fake dating thing.  Ah screw it, you two had boned so it really couldn’t get much less fake at this point.  You fill them in on the details of your and Chahuts previous arrangement, they nod clearly not understanding much past the fake dating.  After your explanation you ask what they’ve been up to recently. 

“Ok * why do you hang around with psionics * and why did you stick around when they started fighting *|” your, sometimes idiotic, moirail had been caught in the middle of an auspistice conflict.

They just shrug at you, it apparently wasn’t the first time it’d happened.  You sigh a bit.

“I leave you alone for like * three days * and you do this * can’t you hang out with that bee kid more * he seems not dangerous *|” fuck if you know his name, but he seems entirely harmless for a gold blood;

They then explain it wasn’t their intention to wind up with that trio.  They had initially been rping Soldier Purrbeasts with a young jade blood, and then accidentally took it too far.  They did that by actually pouncing into a bush and off a small cliff.  Conveniently they landed on their other friend, the one who likes meat a bit too much, and his pile of meats.  The cliff was too big to scale so they ended the rp with the jade blood.  Instead of sticking with meat boy they went into the junkyard, to avoid some nutcase three eyed blue blood, a shockingly high level survival instinct for them.  There they ran into one of the trio.  This then became a game of just how close can they throw heavy objects at the alien and stop them before killing the alien.  They apparently set a new record today.  Then the other two showed up and the fight started.

“I still don’t get how you are still alive *|” this was, a rather normal thing for you to tell them.


	4. Chapter 4

You checked the calendar on your palmhusk.  Chahut’s departure was five days off.  This past perigee had been the best of your life.  You shook the thought from your head, today was no time to think of such things.  You had, through a few trips to clown church, convinced Chahut to come to an Easter Alternian Fine Animated Art Appreciation Society meeting.  Now was the hard part.

“Tegs please I said a classic * something like Hoofbeastboy Bebop *|” if this was going to be her one and only chance to come, it had to be a good one.

“How dare you, Legis/acerator Havok is a c/assic, I wi// not stand for s/ander in my own hive” Tegiri was absolutely insane if that smut show was a classic to him.

Your moirail tried to helpfully interject, saying Neon Genesis Messiah would probably be up her alley. You and Tegiri stop fighting, its OP did slap.

“I’m g/ad our newest member has become a master of the Easter A/ternian Arts” Tegiri was clearly satisfied with the choice.

“Yeah * but we have to watch the movie ending * the last episodes are way too weird for a first timer *|” you set off collecting the discs of the show from around the hive.

“Bah, you’// a/ways be a coward with that kind of attitude” Tegiri was clearly on the high horse of the authors intent.

With all the preparations complete the three of waited with a thick layer of anticipation for Chahut’s arrival.  Finally with a knock at the front door you bolted off to let her inside.

“Welcome * to the Easter Al *|” you cut off as you see what she’s wearing.

“The easTer alTernian fine animaTed arT appreciaTion socieTy meeTing?”Chahut had a ninja headband on, as well as an orange jumpsuit, you were in shock at the sight.

“We/come to my humb/e hive” Tegiri was quick to pull her inside and cover for you.

You look between Chahut and one of the figures in the hive.  How had she gotten a cosplay together on such short notice?  How did she know who to even cosplay?  The Alien’s sheepish expression gives it away.  Upon your intense glare they admit to telling her about your favorite shows.  She’d apparently binged them in preparation for today.

“Let’s get started sha// we?” Tegiri was very excited at such an enthusiastic fan joining the society.

The four of you gather on the couch to watch Neon Genesis Messiah.  It helps that the shows keeps a relatively good pacing, the first two episodes being the slowest in your opinion.  The fight scenes of course were high quality, the large amounts of color used in it was very appealing.  Before you even realized it you were on the last part of it.

“Ho/d on, I have to put in the movie fina/e, since someone can’t appreciate authors intent” Tegiri got up to pop in the other disc, giving you all time to stretch after the hours of watching.

“are we supposed To dislike shinji or is iT jusT me?” Chahut was in the first watch mindset clearly.

“It took me my second watch to like him * he’s generally unlikeable until after you get the whole picture *|” you crack your back with her help.

The Alien chimes in, Shinji having never grown on them either.  His generally indecisive attitude having turned them off to him.  That and the one scene in the movie.

“It makes sense ok” you and Tegiri both defend the scene.

“It represents a coming of age ta/e reaching its cu/mination” Tegiri was very passionate about this.

“You see a titty * what could be wrong with it *|” your defense was, less intricate.

“This seems like a biT of a conTroversial scene” Chahut was in for a wild ride with the movie.

“Nah trust me * it really ties the story together *|” you’re absolutely lying, but she didn’t need to know that as of right then.

With a few trips to the ablution block out of the way, it was movie time.  The movie wasn’t as good as you remembered, it had been a sweep or two since you’d last seen it.  None the less, it was still a good ending to this week’s meeting, and Chahut seemed to enjoy it.

“i really liked The use of clubs To cull The false propheTs of The messiahs” she was now happily listing what she enjoyed from the show to you.  “and admiTTedly shinji did grow on me a biT.”

“He’s very relatable * it’s hard to choose what’s right or wrong * or what you want to do *|” you remember his character speaking to you very deeply at the end of your first watch.

“yeah, relaTable” she seemed, a little distant now, like she was deep in thought.

“I like the costume * orange looks very nice on you *|” you feel like changing the topic could be good here.

“oh, Thank you, i read online aT meeT ups like This cosplaying is quiTe common” she clearly didn’t know how few people would be here.  “i realize now, iT was a biT overboard.”

“What * no * plus it gave Tegs a good impression of you * he loves intense people *|” you don’t want to admit it, but you really are into seeing her dressed up like this.

“i admiT, The ninja show The alien Told me you like, noT bad” this was like so many dreams you’ve had, except you weren’t holding each other underneath the full moon.

“I’m glad * I’m not saying I’d dump you over it * but I’m heavily implying it *|” you love that ninja shit.

“undersTandable, i’d have done The same for church” she made a reasonable point; it was maybe odd you held anime at the same level she held her religion, but hey who cares.

The four of you have a nice discussion about various anime for a short while.  It ends when Tegiri flies off the handle due to a comment about his figurines, he spouts off about them for nearly an hour straight.  You’d be impressed if you all weren’t incredibly tired from the binging.  After he finally wound down you all departed, he gave Chahut a homemade membership badge.  It was a ninja star that said member on it, you helped make them.

“Heading back home *|” you figure you should check your moirails plans for the remained of the night.

They just kinda shrug, apparently they had VIP tickets to a rap show.  Chahut seems shocked to hear the performer.

“you know The marvus xoloTo?” the way Chahut said his name, kind of made you jealous.

They explain how they’d been in some crazy plot with their one indigo blooded friend, who was trying to meet Marvus.  The friend left after they refused to do the plot, but the Alien did end up meeting and becoming bros with Marvus somehow.  The whole story leaves Chahut kind of dumbfounded.

“when The GHB said To sTick wiTh you, i guess i should’ve lisTened beTTer you’re one crazy liTTle one” Chahut seemed impressed with them.

“Wait * when did you meet the Grand Highblood *|” how had you not heard about this already.

The two fill you in on how they had met.  A crazy church visit which the GHB randomly called into.  The GHB was apparently very impressed with the Alien; and as such told Chahut to stick with them and learn their ways.  See this was the shit they got into, it made your blood pressure rise.

“leT marvus know i say whaT’s up, haven’T chuckled aT him in a while” what the fuck did chuckling at someone mean.

The alien assures her they will, and lets you know you can crash at their place if you need to.  Also their might be a random other troll there picking up garbage art.  Whatever that meant.  You walk with Chahut back to her hive.  You try and put out that brief feeling of jealousy, you would not have a fight in the last week of her being on planet.  The two of you arrive at her hive, it was conveniently not very far away.

“so” she looked like she was about to say something either really deep, or dump you.  “i know This is going To sound, very crazy, buT.  i Think i mighT have a way To sTay on planet.”

Your eyes widen, you quickly look around you two for any on lookers before rushing into her hive.  This was not a conversation to be had on the street.

“When you say a way * you don’t mean getting killed right *|” that was kind of her original plan after all.

“no, someThing, a biT crazier” she drew her shades and took you deeper inside, into a kind of hidden room.  “This is gonna sound, very insane, buT by the messiahs, iT mighT jusT work.”

“Well * out with it *|” if she said killing the heiress and starting a bloody civil war you were going to lose it.

“firsT, we goTTa kill Trizza” you fucking called it.  “iT shouldn’T acTually be Too hard To do, a single clown can easily Take her on.  a whole army of clowns, can do so much.”

“And you have a whole army of clowns * at your beck and call * capable of destroying thousands upon thousands of drones * because I’m failing to see said army *|” this was by far the most insane thing she’d ever said.

“if i said yes would you believe iT?” how dare she use that against you.

“I’d ask for some more details * but yes * I could believe it *|” part of you knew this was doomed to be fail, the other part wanted so desperately to have hope.

“The church serves, a second purpose, iT uniTes us clowns, allows for communicaTion, orginizaTion amongsT ourselves” she had a murder board linking the various churches together.  “and we’ve more or less been waiTing for a good Time To sTrike.  The recenT rebel acTiviTy has drawn enough heaT ThaT now is The Time.”

“So wait * clown church is just * a front to unite a clown army * and no one’s caught on to it *|” that seemed like it was kind of obvious.

“mosT of The members are sToned all day, would you Think of Them as an army?” she had a point there.  “The real problem sTarTs when The condesce shows up.  hopefully The ghb will be ready To roll by Then, but ThaT old clown won’T be enough alone.”

“Is there another but coming * when that contradicts the defeat at the hand of the Empress *|” this plan seemed really good up til there.

“so, you’re really noT going To like This parT of The plan” she unfurl a large paper roll, with a very strange circle and picture at its center.

“Is that * my moirail * and the Empress * highfiving *|” this was definitely not what you expected to see.

“we need Them To, befriend her” she was right, you really didn’t like that part of the plan.

“And when she * I don’t know * culls them on sight * then what exactly *|” that was a very likely thing to happen here.

“look, They somehow survived everyThing This planeT could Throw aT Them, i Think iT’s probably The mosT likely To succeed parT of The plan.”

“Oh * of course * how could I forget * the evil Empress who spends all her time subjugating planets * will really just want a weird alien friend *|”

“would you raTher jusT, live ouT The resT of our lives under her Thumb?  This is our chance, a real honesT chance to change Things.”

“Oh * big talk from the purple blood here *|”

“whaT’s ThaT supposed To mean exacTly?”

“You live the good life * top of the fucking food chain * and now you decide to turn all revolutionary * not when all us low bloods are being crushed under foot * but when it affects you *|”

“newsflash, i always cared!  i’ve been working on This for sweeps, preparing The church for a war ThaT mighT end in our eradicaTion.  i never ThoughT i’d be here To see iT go Through, buT life is worTh Taking This sTand for.  life wiTh you.”

You stop.  She was serious, somehow you had become a catalyst for her.  You can feel tears form at the corners of your eyes, you wipe them away.  As much as you wanted to, you couldn’t let her try this, it was suicide.  You scowl at her, it had to hurt.

“Don’t you dare act like this is for me * this is for you * because you’re a coward * just like when you hired me to kill you * you just want an easier way out then going off planet * and you’re too fucking selfish to care about dragging everyone else down with you *|” you hold back the tears you feel welling up, this was the only way.  “Just go off planet * keep living your good life and quit being a fucking coward * some of us have real problems down here * no chances for indecision *|”

You turn and walk out.  Partially to maintain the act, and also so you don’t have to see her face.  Pushing people away used to be so easy, but with her.  You’d have a clown sized hole in your chest for the rest of your measly life on this shit hole of a planet.  If you were lucky, she’d have a hole in hers the size of you, Alternias biggest asshole.  As you slam the door on her hive on your way out, the hope that this would keep her safe gets you to the Alien’s place.  Once you’re there you lose it.  You haven’t cried in so long, but for the first time in so long, you’d really lost something.


	5. Chapter 5

You’d been hiding out in your moirails hive for the past few days.  It had been surprisingly crowded.  First there was the garbage artist, the one you expected, they didn’t care you were there and left without a fuss after grabbing something.  Next was the fussy jade blood.  She instantly pulled a knife on you seeing you weren’t the Alien and you had to fight her off while explaining who you were.  Then there was some rust blood, who just cleaned?  You aren’t sure if she was friends with the alien or not but damn was she good at cleaning.  Then some insane three eyed blue blood showed up, gog that was bad.  You’re not sure what she’d actually come for, but she left with a coffee maker.  The worst by far, somehow worse than the two crazy girls, was Zebruh.   He showed up trying to take the Alien somewhere, then started hitting on you.  It took you literally throwing him off the balcony to get him out of here.  Lastly, you were now with a teal blood who had brought back the coffee maker.  You and she were sitting across from each other, she was sipping from her mug. 

“Are you planning on leaving anytime soon * or are you also going to be moving in *|” you cracked, it had been an hour of this.

“mmmmaybe i do like the viewwww” she was impossible to read.  “i’mmmm actually looking for the alien, seen themmmm?”

“They were going to a clown concert * that was about * three days ago *|” shit had they really been gone for days?

“then i’ll be on mmmmy way, try not to wwwwallowwww for much longer” she stood up from the table.

“Who the hell is wallowing here * cause it ain’t me *|” very convincing you wallower.

“so you just hide out here for fun, all alone, wwwwaiting for the alien?” she had you there.

“I * may wallow from time to time * but it’s none of your business *|” you were desperate for attention from a sane person sure, but not this desperate.

“so the clowwwwn that’s wwwwallowwwwing outside has nothing to do wwwwith your wwwwallowwwwing?” you run over to the window to look.  “wwwwowwww you’re easy to read.”

“Ugh * fine * yes * I’m wallowing because of a break up * and I’m hiding from my ex till they go off planet in two days * happy *|” she’d played you hard so it was time to come clean.

“geez, that bad of a break up?” she moved her chair next to yours before sitting back down.

“I * kinda dumped her * but only because I don’t want her doing anything insane * and she’s about to fly of rails *|” you plop down next to her while you lay all your current baggage out. 

“and dummmmping her prevents this howwww?” she was trying to make you reason through your actions, what a jerk.

“She was going to do it * kinda for me * at least * that’s what she was saying * but attempting to overthrow a regime is not something you for a perigree long relationship * unless you’re a prominent figure in clown church * I guess *|”

“nowwww, we don’t have timmmme to unpack all of that, but wwwwhy did you dummmmp her?”

“Because it’s insane * she’s going to cause a civil war that will kill so many people * for what *|”

“sounds like it’s for you.”

“And that’s the worst part * I’m nobody * just an olive blood assassin * no hive no lusus * and two friends *|”

“yeah, you don’t sound like sommmmone i’d start a wwwwar over” she coolly sipped her drink.  “course i’mmmm no high ranking clowwwwn ammmm i?”

“Are you taking her side here * cause if so there’s the door *|” you literally dumped her over this, you weren’t here to be told you’re in the wrong.

“wwwwhoa, i ammmm taking no sides here, just stating an observation” she put up a hand defensively.  “i suppose wwwwhat this all commmmes down to is this, do you think she’ll still do it?”

“Yeah * I do * and it’s all my fault *|”

“so you’ll just be wwwwallowwwwing here when the revolution starts i take it?”

“You betcha * just me * and every random asshole my moirail befriended apparently*|” you glare at whoever the fuck is in the doorway, causing them to turn and walk off.

“wwwwell, in mmmmy expert opinion, you should tell her how you feel about all this” she really was gonna give you that garbage advice.  “but in mmmmy other opinion, mmmmaybe you should talk with sommmmone wwwwho knows you both better than mmmme.”

“Oh yeah * like who *|”

“hmmmm, maybe, and this is just a theory, the alien who’s hive wwwwe’re in currently” for a teal blood, this girl was pretty alright, an asshole, but alright.

“Was this a long winded way to tell me to go find my missing friend *|” it kinda seemed like that.

“yeah i need their help and ammmm too busy to track themmmm down mmmmyself, just let themmmm knowwww tyzias needs a hand.”

“So this was a very long winded introduction then * I’m Polypa * and thanks for this *|” this talk really helped clear your head.

“it mmmmight have been” with a smirk she headed out.

You sighed and pull out your palmhusk.  This wasn’t going to be easy to track them down, it’d be a lot of convoluted tracking down their other friends.  Stealing scuttlebuggys and bonding with other trolls you’d never normally interact with, all for one common goal.  Nah fuck that you just message Mallek.

“what can i do for you today;” thankfully he was always online.

“I need you to get me gps coordinates for the Alien’s palmhusk * I also need this ASAP * so if we could postpone your favor it’d be helpful *|” you hope he’s reasonable enough to work with this offer.

“oh shit; are they alright;” not quite what you expected, but it was probably safe to assume any troll with a name you’d speak to was friends with the Alien.

“Maybe * they’ve been missing for three days *|”

“on it;” sometimes the universe worked in very helpful ways.  “putting it in your maps; they haven’t moved in two days; get there fast;”

“Thanks * I’ll let you know what I find *|” you open up the map program and head out of the tower hive. 

Step one, locate a scuttlebuggy to steal.  This was fairly easy since the city had tons of them.  They were also super easy to steal since no one actually put any protective measures on theirs.  You plugged the coordinates in and set the thing to full speed.  Step one was easy as pie.

“Excuse me, what exactly are you doing in my scuttlebuggy” a well-dressed blue blood was hurriedly walking towards you.  “I ask you to exit the vehicle immediately and explain yourself.  Otherwise I will be force to take additional measures against you, up to and including a lawsuit.”

You just gun it.  But since it’s in auto-pilot you can’t actually make it go any faster so he can keep up with it by running after you.

“I say, stop the scuttlebuggy this instant and exit the vehicle.  Do not force me to call the drones on you.  We can simply resolve this conflict like mature individuals, granted you must stop trying to drive off in my scuttlebuggy first.”

He was really good at running at talking.  How he was finding the time to breathe between his rants escaped you.  You cut him some slack and at least explain what you’re doing.

“Sorry * no can do * got an Alien to save * and no time to waste * if it doesn’t get blasted to piece I’ll return this to you later *|” you then roll the windows up and lock the doors in case he tries to bust in.

“The alien?” wow he was able to speak in short sentences, who would’ve though.

Now that step one was fully accomplished you begin the plan of step two.  It’s pretty simple, kill any troll you see there who is harming your moirail.  The perfect plan.  Step three was just to drive them back home, and absolutely not return this scuttlebuggy, it has heated seats.  The drive was taking you towards one of those massive burial sites.  This was not a good sign for the alien being very alive.  They had gone to a clown concert, those had notoriously high causality numbers.  You shake the thought from your head.  This blithering idiot had survived worse than a concert.  You arrive at the scene, seeing only a hole digging troll there.  You accost him.

“Hey * you there with the shovel * I’m looking for an alien * seen them *|” you put on your tough assassin face, this guy could be dangerous.

“Well_sure_my_good_pal_was_here_just_a_few_weeks_ago” he was surprisingly chipper for a hole digger.  “Course_haven’t_seen_them_since.”

“Cut the crap * I know their here * and unless I’m missing something * it’s just you and me here *|” you turn up the heat on this guy, the GPS was here.

“I_assure_you_I_have_not_seen_them_since_then” he was a good bluff alright.

“Oh yeah * that freshly covered hole sure looks suspicious to me * care to open it up *|” if you found what you expected, this guy was so dead.

“No_way_that_hole_ain’t_right_it_makes_sounds_and_lights” he actually looks very afraid of a hole in the ground, but it wasn’t his lucky day.

“Look * either you dig it out for me * or I kill you and dig it out myself * your choice *|” you brandish a knife to make the point.

“Fine_but_I_warned_ya_about_the_ghosts” he begrudgingly starts to dig.  “Why_can’t_ol_Fozzer_ever_catch_a_break.”

You watch him dig, not trusting him for an instant.  Soon light started to come out of the hole, which was definitely strange.

“See_see_it’s_a_vile_ghost_hole” Frozzer threw down the shovel and ran off afraid.

You roll your eyes at his antics.  Ghosts weren’t even that scary unless you were the one who killed them.  You pick up the shovel and finish the digging, revealing something, rather odd.  A four windowed screen, which was showing a room?  You reach down and touch it, and with a bright flash of light.  You are now inside this strange room.

“Well this is just superb” a, talking cueball in a suit is there?


	6. Chapter 6

All of the strange things that had happened in your life, did in no way, prepare you to speak with a living cue ball.  Especially one in a suit drinking tea in a weird as hell room you dug into.  Why did your life have to be so bat shit crazy?

“I must admit, your presence here means an error has occurred, one I shall apologize for” it was talking again.  “But first where are my manner, you may call me Doc Scratch.”

“You’re a doctor * a cue ball doctor *|” you know this wasn’t an important question, but you had to know.

“In a manner of speaking, almost.  I orchestrate events to facilitate the ideal scenario of the world we inhabit.  A prime example is the friend you came here for.  Due to my influence they ended up on Alternia, and thanks to a push from me, they became obsessed with friendship.  I warn you, they are not the same as they were then.”

“Right * well, this has been nice * but I gotta go do some stuff * so like * where are they *|” you didn’t like being here any longer than you had to.

“Oh no no no, I can’t let them go, not while they have so much reading to do, and so many things to understand” Scratch was now walking around the room.  “Hm, I wonder which error lead to this current event.  Tell me, where were you about, a perigee and two days ago?”

“Uhhhh *|” that was, an oddly specific question.

“Oh of course, the café.  Ah, the café, yes I see now.  I prematurely reset them, thinking they’d chosen the wrong path.  Silly me.  Well, this is quite the mess, but don’t you worry I’ll have it sorted out ASAP.”

“Wait * what do you mean reset *|” you remembered something, a flash of white.

“Well, they make, quite a lot of mistakes in the staying alive and doing their task department.  Luckily it usually comes down to a single decision made between two things, very easy to fix.  A simple reset and poof, problem solved.”

“Would there happen to be * I dunno, a big flash of white light involved in these resets *|” you felt like you knew the answer already, but an assassin always checks twice, you eye a clock and face away from him for a moment.

“Why yes, there is” the cue ball somehow gives you an intrigued look.

“Thought so *|” you shot him with your trusty sling shot.

“Really, a sling shot?” he caught it, huh, dumb guy.

“Nah * I call it a grenade launcher *|” on cue the ball in his hand exploded.  “The way I see it * that reset was the best thing to ever happen in my whole life * So fuck your well-ordered world *|”

That explosion did not make him happy, his suit was now singed and there was some soot on his head.  You ready another bomb in your slingshot.

“So what, you think you understand the balance of the multiverses better than me?  I’m omnipotent, you’re just an angry child.”

You and he circle each other, keeping most of the room between each other.  He was literally impossible to read as he had no face.  If what he said was true, he probably already knew your next move.

“Do not shoot my clock, its antique” well that answered that question.

“Alright if you say so *|” you shoot the bomb under the couch at his feet.

“Oh ballocks” this blast seemed a lot more effective against the cue ball.  “Of course I’m not dead, an ant could never kill a brachiosaurus.”

“A what * kill a what *|” those were not words you’d ever heard.

“Oh good heavens that wasn’t for you obviously, focus on the staying alive part” with that and a swing of a cane the smoke cleared and he was standing there untouched.

You run at him, dropping the slingshot in favor of the now lighter couch.  It was easier to swing than Chahut’s club at least.  Instead of dodging he just deflected the attacks with his cane, making them seem like a child’s swats.  How the hell could this guy be so strong?

“Don’t you get it yet, I exist outside of your rules” he looked bored now.  “I cannot be ‘killed’ in the same way as some lower life forms can be.  Just give in, I can see all your actions before you even consider making them.”

“Oh * so you already know about the bombs I put in the clock *|” if he had eyes, they’d be wide right about now.  “Huh * you’re not too good at this omnipotence thing *|”

“Do not, destroy that clock” there was desperation in his voice now.  “More than the fate of this one measly multiverse rests upon its existence, you would doom all worlds.”

“Yeah * but it’s all worlds vs. my moirail * and you already know * I ain’t really got much else*|” you hold up the trigger.  “So your move cue ball *|”

“Fine” man this guy was lucky he didn’t have teeth, cause they would ground so hard together right now.  “Take the reader, and get the hell out of my den.”

You head into a room he points out to you.  Inside you see your moirail, reading a webcomic?  You grab their attention.  They seem happy to see you, but also they seem, really off.

“Come on * we gotta get back home before Chahut’s glorious revolution burns it to the ground” you tug at their hand.

They don’t budge.  The look on their faces means there’s something they’re not saying.  You prod them and they spill it.  That Scratch guy was telling the truth.  Their friendship overdrive was all his doing.

“Yeah so what * he’s also why me and Chahut got together * and I’m trying to save her life right now” you shooshpap them.  “We’re in this together * and every single friend you’ve made * especially the ones I may have robbed to get here * are in this with you* They’re worried about you* and we all miss our crazy lil Alien* So let’s go*|”

They look at you, you can tell their deeply touched by your words.  You’d feel weak normally for showing this side of yourself to someone.  But you also just held all of existence hostage to get them the hell out of here, so yeah you’re still a badass.  You take them by the hand and head out of the room.

“Waah I like this multiverse waah” was he mocking you?  “Yes, now get out of here, there’s the window.”

The two of you head over to it.  How were you supposed to, go back through?  With a huge flash of white light apparently as you end up back in that hole, with more dirt.

“FROZZER*|” you yell at the whole digger, how dare he fill this hole.

“ACK” that dirty, hole digging troll scampered off, probably thinking you were a ghost.

You and the Alien climb your way outta the hole.  It was like a symbolic rebirth, where you both emerged changed, yet still the same.  Also covered in dirt, that was mostly how you’d changed really.  You start filling them in on everything as you head over to the scuttlebuggy.  It felt damn good to have them back.

“Oh * uh * Titzyiasa * no wait * um *Tzyzziya * ok not right either *|” you couldn’t remember that teal bloods name for the life of you.

Tyzias, the Alien very helpfully informed you.

“Yup * her * she said to tell you she needs a hand with something *|” it was your duty to pass this message on.

The Alien has no idea what that means, and frankly neither do you.  You figure it could wait till after the prevention of a bloody life ending civil war.  Setting off in the borrowed scuttlebuggy you head for Chahut’s.  You didn’t have any real idea of what to do or say once you got there, but that didn’t matter clearly.  You were riding this emotional high for as long as it’d last.

“I’ll go in there * and kiss her *|” the Alien shakes their head no.  “Firmly shake her hand * nope * uh * I’ll tell her I’m sorry * yup ok * then I’ll tell her I didn’t mean all that awful stuff I said * good so far right * nice * then we as a team talk her down from revolution * what do you mean you want to be on the revolution side * why does everyone want to revolt on this fucking planet * yes everyone but Frozzer * the weirdo *|”

The two of you had a very, head shaking system to work through your plan.  The civil war part was really the biggest problem of it all.  Like, sure a glorious revolution of the blood colors was a good idea.  When it wasn’t you and you’re like four friend’s lives on the line.  You’d just have to improvise the no revolution part solo when you got it, easy peasy.  Oh shit you were already there…  Hm, that’s a lot of drones.

“Ah, perfect” well, this was certainly Trizza, the heiress.  “I ψaited and ψaited for you to shoψ up.  After a lil birdie told me allllll about this fancy little shindig going on here.”

“I mean * if we’re all the same page * I’d like to say * I said it was a bad idea *|” you wanted to die having said I told you so, it was very important.

“Oh, of course you did.  And that’s ψhy you have the honor of executing this traitorous cloψn.  I’m sure, you’ll have no issues doing so, right?”

Wow this girl was, a lot closer to you than you wanted her to be.  Also how was she so bubbly, wasn’t she supposed to be, like viscous?  Well yeah she was, she did want you to kill Chahut, this was very much what’d she just said.

“ψelllllllll” oh shit right you had to answer.

“Of course * it would be my * honor you’re majesty *|” wow you sounded pathetic huh. 

“Oh yaaaay” she made sure to squeeze you extra tight while saying this, you felt so threated by this hug; you also kinda saw the appeal of black romance for the first time in your whole life.  “Bring out the cloψn.”

Oh Chahut did not look good right now.  No she looked very, the heiress and her drones and come to my hive and beat the shit out of me.  And now she got to look up at you, being held by the heiress.  Right before you’re supposed to execute her.  Yup this apology was going, swimmingly.

“Here, use this, it’s so perfect for piercing that cloψn flesh” either she was insane, which she was, or she knew you were fucking surrounded by drones, which you were.

You held the trident in your hands.  It was surprisingly not too heavy, you spun it to test it.  Wow, perfectly balanced too, for an evil heiress she had a good craftsman.  Well ok yeah you knew that too.

“Don’t take too long little one” her voice was, very icy now.  “My patience has its limits.”

You took a deep breath and faced Chahut.  This was, kind of the ultimate betrayal of her trust you could probably ever do.  It also could save your life from the drones and Trizza currently around you.  You glance at the Alien.  The two of you had just come back from, well, somewhere and you’d kinda beat a god in a game of bombs. 

“Oh come on, all that talk about not letting me fix this error, and you’ll just kill her anyways” everything was white now, and you could hear that prick.  “Tsk tsk, I thought you were better than this at least.  I suppose disappointment is not uncommon with you.”

“Is now really a good time * cause I’m a little busy * cue ball *|” you could now see him amidst the white expanse.

“Well, I’ll just take my help and leave then” he was loudly sipping tea at you now.

“What * want me to beg you for it *|” you had your dignity.

“A simple thank you would be fine, keep that reader in one piece for me please.  If I’m to keep this version I’ll have to keep this version of them too.”

“Ugh, boring, drones kill them all” oh come on.  “Uh, hello, drones.”

Ok, not being blasted to death was really good.  Why you weren’t was besides you, but it was so good.  You started to hear, buzzing?

“Oh ψhat the hell is going on noψ” Trizza was trying to hide it, but you could hear it in her voice.  Fear.

“sorry but we can’t abandon our new friendz” was that the fucking bee kid?

“yea sorry were late b had to make a few stops” oh great it was the sexy clown too.

“I can’t let my business partner go so easily, and to be honest, I’ve grown quite sick of you as well.  *_______” ok who was this guy.

“yeah sorry not sorry;  i can’t jack them but i can remote shut off; which=not bad;” as much as you were glad to be alive, hearing Mallek’s voice blasted from nine drones was quite annoying.

“(looks like the tables have turned on you Trizza)” yeah, sure, this random, overcoat wearing fuck can just show up too.

“No no no no no, I don’t lose” you weren’t even really sure what was going on right now.  “YOU ALL ARE GOING TO BE SO DEAD.”

“Yeah * probably * but * after you your majesty *|” as she turns to face you, you impale her on the trident raising her flailing body in the air.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” wow she could scream alright, and you’d never seen fuschia blood before, so this was a cool first.

“yaaaaaas queen” alright, you could understand why people liked this sexy clown.

You threw Trizza to the ground as some of the others joined in.  Impaling, clubbing, or slashing her with whatever weapons they’d produced.  With the efforts of the lot of you, she was reduced to a pile of bones, shredded flesh, and blood.  After all the awful shit she’d done to the planet, this felt kinda right.

“can someone unTie me please” shit Chahut, you’d gotten too caught up with murder to untie her.

“Sorry *|” you quickly cut loose her bonds, well, not really quickly, there were a lot of them.  “And not just about this * about everything * I said so much I didn’t mean * all because I was afraid for you and I was being selfish * you mean the world to me * and I tried to push you away * because I didn’t want to get hurt * but I’m done with that * I’m here for you *|”

“liTTle darling, while This is nice, i can’T breaThe wiTh you holding me like This” you were probably crushing her with this hug.  “Thank you. mosTly for saving my life.  buT also for coming back To me.”

“And * we kinda killed Trizza * so like * I guess you win * revolution it is *|” you were done to kill some more sea dwellers.

“maybe we jusT, relax for a hoT sec.  also geT me inTo a recupracoon since i have so many broken bones.”

“Yeah * let’s do that *|” you help her up, her place is still mostly intact so you just head in there, you turn to everyone one last time.  “Thanks for the help * random assholes and Mallek * and the Alien * try and stay alive for the night without getting kidnapped for me please *|”

All the random assholes wave, maybe you’ll figure out why they were all here.  The Alien shrugs, they had friendships to rekindle after all.  Maybe, when you all got culled the by Empress, your bodies would get dumped in a hole together.  That would be swell.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact for you Fozzer fans out there, his relationship to the MC is listed as potential moirail for some reason. Also sorry for the delay! Me and a friend are working on a table top project and it's been taking up a lot of my time. Shout out to B_Dogg2003, I messed up the colors cause I'm very sleepy.

It took a lot of chutzpah but you’d found the rebel base, now to extract your one and only friend. Nay this went past friendship, this, this was something pale alright.  You’d never let someone so full of faith in the empire be culled amongst these traitorous rebels, together you could open up Happy Absence Pit Park, TWO.  This mission was without a doubt dangerous, but it had to be done, and you had to done.  Your trusty shovel in hand, you’re prepared.  To leap, bonce, and dig.  You’d be the shovel knight, here to save your future moirail from the clutches of the evil rebellion.  Nothing could stop you!  Fozzer Velyes!  Troll on a mission!

“FROZZER GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE*|” nothing barring that very dangerous short troll, you skedaddle, every poor worker for themselves, Frozzer out.

\-------------

You sigh, this was the fourth time you’d seen that weirdo skulking around the base.  Well, base was a little strong.  The ruins of Chahut’s hive was more correct, but this accidental rebellion you’d kind of jumpstarted had to work from somewhere.  And you needed somewhere to avoid all your new pals.  Turns out, there was a timeline you did go on a crazy adventure searching for the alien.  Teaming up with all sorts of asshats and buffoons along the way.  The worst was the meat kid.  Well no, the worst was whoever the hell was currently speaking to you, he just smelled the worst.  God alternate timeline you was an ass.  And now she got the bliss of being culled, probably, while you had to deal with some assholes. 

“see, when she’s like This i can fiT some many pens in her hair” at least you and Chahut were a thing again, oh come on, how did she fit ten pens in your hair.  “chucklevoodo.”

“haha, nice” and you had hot clown here, being all hot, shit you’re a clownsexual aren’t you.

“Cool it * we kinda have a rebellion to do * and pens in my hair is not a part of that * right *|” you shook the pens loose.

“i mean, yeah, buT like, phase one is kinda done, jusT goTTa waiT for the condy To show and hope phase Two works” how was she, you knew how she was so chill about this, but still.

“aight i gotta peace for now, catcha ya’ll later :o)” yes thank you, please take your sexiness elsewhere.

“see ya mar mar” you cool your jealousy, they were only moirails, and you and him were kind of bros now too.

“Catch you later *|” you try to sound cool too, since, you know, you wanna look cool.

He’s off, throwing a casual wave as he hops into a limo buggy.  There were surprisingly less than expected drone attacks.  That was, begrudgingly thanks to Mallek, you and him had some figured out how to deactivate them with some drive thing.  Or maybe it was bombs, you didn’t know.  Either way, the only real problems were the sea dwellers, who weren’t super happy about this whole rebellion.  If you gave a shit maybe you’d stop killing them indiscriminately to ask how they felt.  Wow this was weird, sea dwellers being hunted down and executed by low bloods and clowns.  You hate to admit you were wrong before, but you kinda were wrong.

“nice, TwenTy” you had to stop zoning out around her.  “come on, leT’s geT you some grub lil miss war criminal.”

“I’m only a war criminal thanks you * miss gets caught by the fucking heiress *|” your point was a little beat out by your stomach growls.  “But yeah * grub sounds good *|”

“ThoughT so” you missed her clown smirk, and her clown smile, and her clown hands, fuck you missed her.

You were in no short supply of meats now, that weird kid was good for that at least.  It felt kind of homey, eating a nice sausage sandwich with your matesprite.  A moment of peace and quiet in the crazy rush of war.  The world going white ruined the moment as you had to deal with this asshole again.

“I saved your life didn’t I?” Scratch was as insufferable as ever.  “Some appreciation would be nice.”

“What do you want now *|” you roll your eyes at his comment.

“I’m just checking in, making sure the timeline hasn’t gone to hell without my constant vigilance” oh not this again.

“Yeah yeah I get it * we’re in a shitty timeline * with no hope of a true ending * or whatever *|” he’d said this like thirty times now.  “Anything else I should know about your little vacation from duty *|”

“I’ve taken up knitting recently actually, thanks for asking” he held up a little sweater.  “But no I mostly wanted to see how this timelines pressure was doing you.”

“What * a little war never killed anyone *|”

“Not what I meant, paradox space will at some point try and correct these errors, even without my will.  As of yet there hasn’t been any sign of it, but it will happen.”

“Blah blah * paradox space this * timeline errors that * you’re like a *|”

“Scratched record I know.”

And with that bad joke he was gone.  That guy could ruin any good mood jeez.

“one…” you catch her hand mid pen placement. “darniT.”

“Nice try babe * but we should check in on that interrogation sometime soon *|” that was a mild way to put it, that blue blood was ruthless.

“can you go alone, ThaT place really skeeves me ouT” for being a giant clown she was a coward sometimes.

“Fine * but you’re doing the dishes then * and not just the easy ones *|” there was a large pile in the sink, she hated doing the dishes for some reason.

“deal” she really hated that place wow.

“See you when I get back *|” you give her a quick kiss goodbye before leaving.

The trip wasn’t too long, the large house was quite daunting.  But nothing could prepare you for the hell inside of

“♣ Hey♣”   whatever info he had could not be worth having to deal with this skeevy guy.

“How’s the * visitor *|” he was pretty much the only one unaware of the whole rebellion thing somehow.

“HELP ME” that definitely sounded like the violet blood you’d ditched here a few days ago.

“♥Oh he’s doing great thanks for asking♥” wow this guy was good.

“Mind if I * have a few quick words with him *|” he was definitely ready to talk.

“Oh sure, ♣go right ahead♣” the way he moved his eyebrows did not sit well with you, but you choose to just keep ignoring him as you always did.

You headed on inside to the trapped sea dweller.  He looked like an animal about to gnaw its own leg off to escape.

“So * how’s your stay going *|” you liked seeing these assholes squirm.

“Please, just kill me, anything is better than dealing wwwith him” you felt a tinge of pity, but not enough to actually help this guy.

“I can get you away from him * in exchange for the info I need * or if you’re not ready to talk * I’m sure your gracious host is willing to extend your stay for longer *|” the primal fear in his eyes is all you need to see.

“NO I’ll talk, names locations anything you wwwant I’ll give it please just, take me anywwwhere else” you give him a devilish smirk.

“Glad to hear it *|” you head back over to your, kind of ally.

“Is that all you needed?” he seems to know you’re trying to steal the sea dweller off.

“I’ll need to take him back with me * his moirail is getting awful worried * you know how it is *|” you’re completely sure he doesn’t.

“Oh, ♠ well I suppose you can take him back then♠, but please bring him round again” yup this was the world’s biggest creep.  “♥We’ve grown so close. ♥”

“I’ll be sure to * or I’ll see if any other lonesome sea dwellers are shopping around *|” you wouldn’t but you had to sell it.

“♥Aren’t you just the best♥” nope, you did not like that tone of voice.  “♥I’ve always found olive bloods to be, so strong willed, it’s really so inspiring. ♥”

“Well * I gotta go *|” you grab the sea dweller and get the hell out of there, it had to be more moral to give them to that three eyed girl for torture.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a short one again, sorry! I'll be back at school soon so updates may be even more sporadic!

“So * from the top *|” this violet blood had either just spewed the biggest pile of bullshit you’ve ever heard, or the best thing you’d ever heard. 

“She isn’t coming for us, it’s like she doesn’t give a shit about this planet anymore for some reason” this was too good to be true.

“Now * I have this knife here * specifically for if your lying to me *|” it was a really nice knife too.

“I swear I’m telling the truth, she sent us one reply and ignored all following messages” the desperation in his eyes was quite convincing as you brought the knife slowly closer to his fin.

“and This message said whaT?” Chahut was playing good cop to your, not good cop, yeah let’s go with that.

“You’re on your own” his voice rang hollow inside the underground block.  “Without Trizza, she doesn’t care about the rest of us, doesn’t matter to her when she has to come and take back over.”

“Can the GHB confirm this *|” you don’t know what the big clown does or doesn’t know, but you assume he’d know this.

“i’ll message him and find ouT, if iT’s True, we kinda, won already i guess” she certainly wasn’t prepared for it to be this easy, frankly neither were you.

“And this is * the absolute truth outta you * right *|” you lean in towards him again, making sure the knife pushes against his scales.

“If it’s not do I die?”

“Take a wild guess on that one *|”

“It’s the truth I swear please don’t hurt me” for a sea dweller, he was weak as hell.

You pull the knife back but leave him tied up.  You still weren’t exactly friendly with the sea dwellers right now, or really sure about this info.  Could it be this easy?  Well, to be fair, thanks to Scratch killing Trizza was super easy, or thanks to alternate you?  All this multiverse bad ending good ending stuff was stupid.

“when she’s really zoning is when i geT The records” and she was back to putting pens in your hair.

“I am not * ‘zoning’ * I am thinking about our situation and our next move *|” she was getting really quick with these damn pens.

“You could” the sea dweller was now trying to offer you help, great.  “Offer them terms for surrender?  Most of the sea dwellers know we can’t win, and like being alive.”

“Huh * that was * kind of helpful idea *|” you hadn’t thought about not just killing them all, no one really had.

“That’s why the call me Re-” you cover his mouth.

“Nope * don’t care what they call you *|” once prisoners have names people grow attached to them, and you could not be having that.

“Is she always this rude” he was clearly trying to commiserate with you and Chahut to avoid being killed.

“i mean, yeah” you shoot her a glare.  “whaT, you did dump me, and hurT all my feelings in The process.”

“Yeah * ok * I did do that * but I came back * so * I think we’re even on that one *|” saving her life and apologizing should count for something.

“well, maybe noT even even, buT iT’s beTTer Than noThing” was she really gonna do this in front of the prisoner.

“It sounds like you do have some issues to work through, I can just be on my way” he was not getting let free this easily.

“no i Think an ouTside opinion is whaT we need” you and him both roll your eyes, this was gonna suck.  “i opened up To you and you hurT me as badly as you possibly could.  afTer we waTched anime Together Too.”

“You were going to get everyone killed * for ‘me’ * I couldn’t just * say sure let’s have a bloody civil war that indiscriminately would kill us all *|” you weren’t gonna to budge on that point.

“clearly we can” oh come on, this was by pure luck and she knew it.  “sure iT’d be harder To kill Trizza The oTher plan.  buT we’re liTerally having and winning a war.”

“Thanks to the element of surprise * and an asshole taking care of the drones * it would’ve been suicide *|”

“would iT have been any more dangerous Than life already is?”

“Bold words from someone high up the hemospectrum * and no the religious oppression of clowns * while awful and unjust * is not equal to the suffering of the low bloods *|”

“firsT of all, iT is, secondly, life is sTill dangerous on This planeT regardless of blood color.”

“I feel like you two are way off topic from discussing your relationship issues” you were starting to like this guy dammit.

“Yeah * we are * I’m sorry for pushing you away * and for doing it in the worst way I could * I didn’t want you to get hurt because of me * worst of all because you actually like me *|” you drag yourself back on topic.

“i wasn’T gonna geT hurT because of you, i was kinda being selfish like you said” oh you liked being told you were right, but you swallowed this I told you so moment.  “i’ve never been so deep in red before, or really in red before.  i’ve had a hole in me, for as long as i can remember, i Threw myself inTo The church To Try and fill iT.  buT The messiahs don’T fill iT.  you do.”

“What * what are you saying Chahut *|” you weren’t a stranger to mushy romantic confessions, you’d read hundreds, but when one was being said to you, your pump biscuit was going crazy.

“i’m saying, i love you” she held out one of her hands to you, her smile filled you with a warmth you were terrified of, but also so desperately in need of.

You froze, you didn’t know what to do, what to say.  Love was something you’d never imagined you’d get caught up in.  Sure killing the heiress was big, but the l-word was so much bigger than that.  Oh shit you haven’t said anything and she’s still just standing there.  Fuck.

“KISS HER DAMMIT” the sea dweller broke you out of your stupor with a shout.

“Iloveyoutoo *|” you quickly blurt it out before taking her hand and pulling her towards you for a kiss.

Her massive height always made it a bit difficult, but this time you didn’t even notice.  It was like a first kiss all over again, warm, deep, and most importantly full of love.

“I promised myself I wouldn’t cry” alright this one sea dweller got a pardon, but just this one.

The two of you pulled away, ending the kiss after a few moments.  You hadn’t smiled like this in who knows how long.  Her smile filled you with that warmth again, just without the terror this time.  She gave a small nod, you knew exactly what it meant.

“Sorry in advance *|” it was polite to apologize to your prisoner before he heard the sound of you and her boning very loudly in the other room.

“Can you at least give me some ear plugs” oh he was going to suffer.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, sorry for the wait! I plan to only have a few more chapters in this story tops though, so i'll have them out before school gets too nuts.

It had been a few weeks since you’d gotten the information from the violet blood.  It felt like months with how busy you’d been.  His info had been good, the rest of the sea dwellers jumped at the surrender opportunity.  With the help of the other rebel groups you’d shut down the rest of the drones; well group they were kinda led by just one guy, some weird guy wearing sun glasses.  Turns out there really was a lot of rebels on Alternia.  Sadly, not everyone was against the empire.

“How cou/d you do this!” Tegiri was less than pleased with your recent actions to say the least.

“I mean * it was kinda easy *|” he probably meant the whole him being behind bars thing but you felt like bragging about this easy peasy rebellion.

“Turning against the society that we a// have /ived in for sweeps, was easy?” he didn’t care about the cell then.

“Well * yeah * Trizza practically impaled herself on that trident *|” that was probably the easiest kill you’d ever had.

“I refuse to be/ieve my trusted coinsure of eastern A/ternian arts wou/d turn into a traitor to the empire!  You’d never harm another tro//!”

Right.  Maybe you should come clean about the whole, being a hired killer now.  How much worse could he really think of you?

“I mean * I am a professional killer * it’s kinda how I afford all the merch *|” you say this with a shrug.

“IMPOSSIB/E!  I wou/d know if my best friend was an assassin!”

“Tegs * you’re not really * observant to put it bluntly * I’ve been an assassin for about as long as you’ve known me *|”

“That’s, but, why?” he was starting to believe you now, but the truth seemed to be messing him up.

“I had no hive * no lusus * and only one friend * being a contract killer was pretty much my only option *|”

“I thought you understood, the need of justice in our world, and how it must be uphe/d.  I see now, I was b/ind to your crimes and because of my b/indness the wor/d has fallen apart.”

“Now you’re just being dramatic * the world was all kinds of fucked up before * now it’s at least even ground for everyone *|” not being oppressed by the sea dwellers is always better than being oppressed by the sea dwellers.

“Maybe it wasn’t perfect, but it was our races tradition!  The hemospectrum has to be uphe/d!”

“Tegs * you’re just spouting propaganda now *|” you felt bad for him, being a teal meant he was high enough not see all the horrors low bloods faced, high enough to believe in tradition. 

“Propaganda?  The empire is our history Po/ypa, you can’t just ki// an heiress and change it a//.”

“It certainly didn’t hurt to try *|” his angry with your actions was expected, but he didn’t have to be a dick about it.

“You can’t just ki// an heiress and change it a//” he literally just said that.

“Yeah yeah * sure you can’t *|” you roll your eyes at him.  “This is what real just- *|”

“You can’t just ki// an heiress and change it a//” ok now he was definitely acting weird.

“I know * I heard you the first -*|”

“You can’t just ki// an heiress and change it a//” well this couldn’t be good right?

“Tegs can you * can you say anything else *|” please don’t be trapped in some weird loop.

“You can’t just ki// an heiress and change it a//” well he was either being a huge dick, or this universe was severely boned.

You pulled out your palmhusk and dialed the first number that came up, thankfully it was your moirail and not some weirdo.  It rang once, twice, three times, four times, five, six, seven, eight, and nine.  Fuck it was still ringing.  Shit were you stuck in a time loop?  You ran towards the nearest door, barreling through it an up the stairs to get outside.  You could see trolls on the street and quickly made your way over to them, hoping to hear a normal conversation.

“Do you ever take the time to just sit back and acknowledge just how greate you are?” two cerulean bloods were talking, this seemed like a normal conversation for now.

“Lmaooo she aLready sent me her ETA on goregLe maps” ok less normal now but still maybe they were just weirdos waiting for a friend.

“Do you ever take the time to just sit back and acknowledge just how greate you are?” fucking hell of course, of course, they were weirdos and you were in a time loop.

“This is just fucking amazing huh” you headed into the nearby café, making jails near cafés was a stroke of genius, you just walk in and take whatever drinks you see out.  “I bet this is just scratch messing with me, trying to scare me about this whole paradox shit.”

You drink three different coffees to help clear your head.  They all taste remarkably awful but get the job done.  There had to be a way to un-loop time right?  You run through a list of all the people you know to figure out who might have a way to do so.  This only takes about five seconds as you only know seven other people really.  Clown church must have something about the inevitable end of the multiverse right?  You decide it’s your best shot and head over there.

“Wow I looks * especially unappealing *|” the church looked like a massive party had hit it, probably in celebration of the end of religious subjugation of the clowns. 

You open the large doors and head inside the church.  There’s clowns in various forms of hungover, unconscious or high strewn through the place.  You sadly don’t see Chahut amongst the masses, but you do see the sexy clown.  Madvrus?  Mardivus?  Mavrus?  Marvus?  Yeah it was Marvus, you think.  You head over to him to see if he’s looped too.

“aw shit, what’s good bro :o)” either he was stuck saying that or, he was actually greeting you.

“The world’s stuck in a time loop * and I hate it * what about you *|” you decide to be polite your clown bro in case he wasn’t looping.

“aw shit” oh for the love of.  “that’s some crazy stuff dawg.”

“I’ve never been happier to hear such a * strange assortment of words before in my whole life *|” you knew clowns magic was a thing.

“ya, im gonna be real with you, im hella stoned right now” this was didn’t sound like it’d be getting very helpful any time soon.  “so like, expect 0% help from me rn.”

“Are there any non-stoned clowns in here right now * any at all * I can work with drunk *|” you call out to the rest of the church, only to get a massive groan in reply.  “Right * 0% help it is I guess *|”

“lit” this was really going to test you.

“I need books on clown church * I gotta find out how to un-fuck time for everyone else * any idea where I can find those *|” you were already searching through areas in the church but figured asking was polite.

“hm, books” honestly, better than you expected.  “have you tried the library?”

“Not gonna lie * that was at least 3% helpful * especially since there’s no books here *|” stoned Marvus one, basic logic zero.

“let’s bounce then” you and him then proceeded to bounce, to the local library.

“Any idea if there’s like * a clown section in here *|” might as well ask before you waste time.

“shit bro, no clue, ask the librarian?” score one for basic logic you guess.

“The librarian trapped in a time loop * sure might as well *|” you head over the troll at the desk.

“Clown religious texts floor ten” basic logic loses that point, stoned Marvus up two nothing.

“aw hell yea” he was somehow more tolerable while stoned, or maybe just less sexy, maybe you just hated him less?

On your way up you see Tzyias.  She was just sipping form her mug.  Endlessly.  You call out to her, since she’d absolutely just do that normally.  You think she raised an eyebrow at you?  Whatever back on topic.  Floor ten.

“Ok * you’ve gotten this shit right so far * what book do we need *|” it was apparently best to ask the stoned clown.

“oh, uh, the, the purple one” you turn to the shelf, it had twenty purple books on it.

“Any one in particular * or all of them *|” maybe he was colorblind.

“yeah.”

“Which is it *|”

“yeah.”

“Right * well * all of them it is *|” you a random one and crack it open, this was gonna be a long day.

After about, twenty minutes of reading this clown bible, you get really bored.  Marvus is just standing at the front of room still.  You take an arm full of purple books down to where Tyzias is drinking her drink.  The eyebrow movement must have been in your head since she didn’t react to you dropping the tomes down.

“This would be a great time to have like * a bunch of clown historians * or just non-stoned clowns even *|” you complain to her while you flip open one of the books and get back to reading.

She just continued drinking her drink.  Eyes staring forward, unblinking.  Man this sucked.  Marvus was either now looped too or just, fucking burnt out up there. 

“Honestly * maybe I should just sit still and repeat the last thing I said * it’s what everyone else is doing * the hot new trend as the kids say *|” you’re talking at her but mostly to yourself.  “Like * we had a good run with this universe * I did my best * but this clown bible is not exactly * an enjoyable read for me * maybe I should look for Chahut * she loves reading clown religion stuff * and worst case scenario I’ll just go crazy hearing her say some random line over and over again *|”

You’re rambling was making you feel a little better as you aimlessly picked through the book trying to fund something useful.  Huh, chucklevoodos are in fact, not magic.  Weird, but interesting.  Maybe magic was what you needed, but it probably wasn’t real so.  That probably wouldn’t help you.  So it’d be an absolute waste of time to go to a magic store and steal a bunch of shit to feel like a wizard.

“Oh * hell * yeah *|” you feel like the coolest fucking wizard with your sick cape, hat, and nine wands.

Tyzias looks like she’s judging you now, with her unending stare.  You have more important things to do than care about the haters.  You start your important reading of ‘Magic for dummies.’  You’ll be the best goddamn wizard there ever was.  After a few hours of studying you’re pulling vermin out of hats like a goddamn prodigy.

“Well, this is certainly a sight” you turn on your heels at the voice, a little put down when you see Scratch.  “No no, don’t stop on my account.”

“Look * I’m a fucking wizard so don’t mess with me * un-fuck time or I’ll turn you into a hat *|” you have no idea how to do that, but it sounded threatening.

“I kind of want to see you turn me into a hat” dammit he was calling your bluff.  “But regardless, I can’t do anything about this, it’s out of my hands.”

“Oh * cut the crap * you’re like a deity or something * un-fuck time already *|” he’s only been here for like two minutes but you already were sick of him.

“Even I cannot defy paradox, the only way to ‘un-fuck’ time, as you put it.  Is to do a reset back to the event.”

“Then why are the clowns fine*|” you point to Marvus’ generally direction.

“Fuck if I know, their goddamn clowns” well, he had a point there.  “So get off the table, take off that stupid hat, and let me reset time already.”

“I would sooner die * than take this stupid hat off *|” you do step down from the table though.

“I’ll be honest with you, your compliance is appreciated but not needed here” he was taking that annoyed tone.  “Paradox space will devour this doomed timeline and we will reset to the proper one regardless of how you feel.”

“Then I’ll just bring us right back here * again and again *|” you were absolutely willing to hold reality hostage. 

“No, you will not.  You will be crushing that clowns head in with a club, and then being on your way until you have another role to fill.  It’s a sad truth, but it’s the reality that gets the job done.”

“I can tell you * with complete assurance * I will be doing no such thing *|” you brandish one of the wands at him.

“This again?  You don’t have any clocks to hold ransom for, so I suggest you put that down and make your peace with this life.  I’ve entertained your foolish activities long enough, now either take my very polite offer, or come face to face with reality now.”

You keep your stare on him, looking down the wand at his cue ball head.  You knew he was right, every day you knew all you did was meaningless.  It was certainly disheartening to say the least.  You lower the wand and look away from him, you feel like a child who was just scolded.

“Now, if I were you, I’d be heading towards a certain hive to say a final goodbye” he adjusted his suit and prepared to leave.  “You have two hours to do so.”

Like that he was gone, as suddenly as he’d shown up.  You slumped down into a chair, everything you’d worked for and built, it was all going to shit.  No, shit could at least be polished, it was being burned to ash right in front of you, and there was nothing you could do.  Well, almost nothing.  You got back on your feet, you had a clown to see, and then to kill.  If you were lucky you’d forget about all this.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for another short one, but the next one will be the last one, probably? Thank you all for the comments and kudos! They have been greatly appreciated! <3

It was a long trek from the library to Chahut’s Hive.  Worse even, you could feel it now, your body was slower.  Every step was a struggle, but you had to go, if the world was ending you still had to make it back to her.  Even if you had to crawl you way back.

“you good homie” shit you thought Marvus got froze back there.

“Not * particularly *|” you manage to get those few words out as you turn to him, he was still unaffected by all this.

“aight, hop on” he was offering you a piggy back ride, you slowly climbed onto his back.  “where we dropping?”

“Chahut’s * place *|” it was getting harder to even just breathe now, thank the messiahs for this clown.

Without another word you two were off, his pace was insanely fast considering how everything else in the world was.  Maybe clown church was right after all, that gives you some solace for when you’ll have to crush Chahut’s skull in.  She’ll make it to clown heaven at least.

“watch your step” he was squatting to let you get down, damn he was fast.

“Thanks *|” you slowly made your way to the door, giving him one last wave goodbye, you were gonna miss that sexy clown.

The inside of the Hive looked as normal as you had expected.  You made your way to the respite block, and sure enough there she was.  Sitting on the couch, calmly reading a page in her clown bible.  You amble over to sit next to her.  You weren’t good at goodbyes, hell you weren’t even good at emotions, but this had to be said.

“Chahut * I’m sorry * we worked so * so hard * but it’s over *|” you leaned against her, savoring the last few moments you’d have with her.  “I love you * which is * weird * since I’m some nobody * in this cog apparently * but for a while * I was a nobody who was loved by you *|”

You don’t have the effort to try and stop the tears, you could feel your body becoming rigid in your position.  You had so much more to say still, so many apologies to make for a deed you had no means of stopping.  You couldn’t even be sure she was hearing all this, but you didn’t care.

“I’ll never forget you * I promise * I’ll keep you * in my pump biscuit *|” you cry against her side, this would be it, your last words till the end.

“course you won’T, i’m noT going anywhere” she turns to look down at you, for a single moment all the hope in the universe builds up inside you.

It bursts as you feel your arms swing forward.  You feel it in your pocket, a familiar buzzing as your palmhusk vibrates.  Worse of all is the feeling of the club in your hands, and yet somehow even worse, is the pull of gravity.  With a loud crunch, and splatter of purple blood, cruel fate resumes.  You drop to your knees, unable to look away.  You feel them still, all those emotions and memories, but you feel them fading too.  The tears are still there as you are once again powerless in the face of the universe.  You’re losing her, all of her.  After a few moments, you can’t even remember why you were crying, just that this world is not right.

“(Paradox is cruel, I’m sorry)” you see a troll in a trench coat also in the garden.

“What does that mean * why am I crying *|” you still couldn’t stop the tears.

“(It means everything, but it also means nothing)” the troll left, leaving you and the now corpse.

After what feels like hours of crying you finally are able to get back up.  The tears have finally stopped, all that’s left behind is and emptiness in you as you look at the body one last time before leaving.  You check your palmhusk, you missed the Easter Alternia Fine Animated Arts Appreciation Society meeting.  You text a quick apology, you got held up.  You receive a follow up question asking with what.  You don’t know why, but you say a date.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I know I said this would be the last one, buttttttttttttttt one more after this one, it felt better to not just dump it all into one. My goal is to have it written and up at least by next friday? Probably earlier though. Also fun double update night yay?

For an assassin, you’ve become shit at your job.  Three weeks after the assisted suicide and you were worse than ever at this.  Today being the culmination of all your shit work, the mark got away.  You were pissed, unpaid, and now probably were gonna have to deal with some asshole trying to kill you in the future.  Every day somehow felt like a bigger shitfest than the last.

“Um he//o Po/ypa, it’s your pick” oh shit, and you were zoning out constantly.

“Uh * right * let’s watch * uh * Naruto *|” you just pick your favorite by default.

“We’ve watched Naruto, eight times this past month, can we have a different pick p/ease” Tegiri was apparently sick of Naruto, fake friend.

“Fine * let’s watch *|” you pause and think about it, a strange choice pops into your mind.  “Neon Genesis Messiahs *|”

“Oh, we haven’t watched that in sweeps, a c/assic” Tegiri seemed delighted and surprised by your choice.

“You know me * a connoisseur of the classics *|” you shrug as you wait for him to put in on.

As you watch it, strange feelings run through you.  Déjà vu, except wrong.  Someone else was supposed to be here, but you, Tegs, and your Moirail were all there.  The feeling persisted throughout the binging of the show.  That trolls words come back to you.

“(Paradox space is cruel)” why couldn’t you get this out of your head, it was meaningless garbage but it felt so important.

“What do you think?  Origina/ ending or the movie?” holy shit had the whole show already gone by.

“Uh * Original *|” you forget what show you’re watching.

“Wow, tru/y you’re mixing it up today” once again you’ve surprised him.

As you watch the fabled ending, you remember two things.  One, the original ending was garbage.  Two, multiple timelines and a man in white.  No, not a man in white, a cue ball in a suit?  Who the hell is that?

“See, I persona//y /ike this ending better, it’s more true to the creators origina/ vision” Tegiri was going off on some explanation about the show to the Alien.

The Alien admits to being very confused about it all, the multiple timelines didn’t make much sense to them.  How could Shinji be so different in the one they showed? 

“It’s a trick * to make him trust what’s happening is for the best * so he goes along with it *|” you don’t know why you say this, but it feels right.

“An interesting viewpoint” Tegiri seems kind of put off by your words.  “Why do you think it’s a trick?”

“Well * who would willingly go along with something like that * it’s crazy to just * say all of trollkind needs to die and be ‘reborn’ *|” you realize this might come off as an opinion on the hemeospectrum.

“Right, we//, take care you two ti// our next meeting” wow, he basically just kicked you two out.

“Well * what are you up to next *|” you figured it was polite to check in on their plans.

They had a party to attend apparently.  Then training with that jacked indigo blood Nihkee.  Then a clown show?  They had a very packed schedule.

“Well * don’t let ol Polypa keep you *|” you didn’t want to burden them with all your issues, especially since they didn’t make any goddamn sense.

The two of you parted ways.  You didn’t have a plan really, so you just wandered.  This wandering brought you back there.  The location of the event.  You walked to the garden behind the shop.  The body was gone, cleared away the next day.  You came back here a lot for some reason.  It was like something was drawing you here, but you couldn’t figure out why.  Something deep down that wanted to rise up, but up didn’t exist anymore.

“(Back again?)” and she was here again, you still didn’t have her name.

“Yeah * is that a problem *|” she was actually smaller than you, for once you could use height to look intimidating.

“(It seems you have lots of those)” not this psychoanalyzing again.

“Yup * you caught me * I have all this mental bullshit * and no idea why or what I mean *|” you were sick of her bringing it up.

“(Wanna talk about it?)” she patted the spot next to her on a bench.

“Fine *|” you grumpily walked over to sit next to her.

“(I’m glad you wanna open up finally.)”

“Don’t get all mushy on me * I’m just doing it to stop your bullshit *|”

“(Sure sure, now start at the beginning.)”

“When I killed her * it felt wrong * like it didn’t really happen * but it did * I don’t even really know her * but it hurt * killing is my job * I don’t feel for my targets * but this was different *|”

“(Different how?)”

“It hurt so much *|” the tears were coming back.  “Like I’d never be whole again * and I’m not *|”

“(You feel like you’re missing a part of yourself?  Or that you killed a piece?)”

“I * both I think * I don’t know what it is * but part of me feels so empty * and I can’t fill that hole * but also it’s like I broke it open myself *|”

“(All this for a clown you don’t know?)”

“She’s not just some clown *|” you growl this at her, and the pause, why did you get so defensive.

“(Tell me about her then, what is she to you?)”

“She * she was nothing * just a job * an easy one too * just an assisted suicide *|” you regain your composure, these were the facts.

“(Just a job, but not just some clown?  Strange how that works.)”

“I don’t know her * just what I picked up for the job * her habits and nothing else *|” even you think you sound uncertain about this.

“(Then tell me about her, what do you know?)”

“She comes to this shop twice a week * before big sermons at the church * she prefers coffee to faygo but keeps that a secret * she keeps a picture of * of *|” you trail off, you can see that picture so clearly.

“(Of what?)”

“Of us * our first date * it started as a lie * but it turned into something more * she kept it framed and out in her hive * that’s when I fell for her *|” you remember this, but it can’t have happened you never dated her, real or otherwise.

“(Why did you fall for her?  Just that she was nice?)”

“Yes she was nice * she took me off the street after I nearly died from a job * and the fake date was so nice * she looked amazing * but it was strictly professional then * but when we were there * after she took me in * I felt something *|”

“(What did you feel?  Love?)”

“The need to fuck that clown * and get in that one recupracoon *|” this reply clearly caught her off guard.

“(There was only one?)”

“Yup * it was like the worst romance novel I’d ever read * but dammit * it was perfect *|” more memories start coming back to you.  “We were in love * I went to church with her * and she watched anime with me * have you ever seen a tall clown in a Naruto cosplay?  * you can’t not fuck that clown *|”

“(I think you have the disease of being a clown fucker, but um, carry on?)” she clearly wasn’t ready to hear about your clown fucking needs, but she was gonna.

“I got mad at her * she was going to * bring about a crazy rebellion plan * instead of going off planet * so we could stay together * we fought * I hurt her feelings so badly * I * I ransomed a god-like being for existence? * and then killed Trizza to save her * but * I didn’t do any of that *|”

“(But here you are, remembering all of it.  This is the paradox, that timeline collapsed and we started here.  You’ve be feeling empty because the paradox tried to kill your memories, destroy that timeline for good.  But you’re stronger than that.)”

“But * I killed her *|” the tears came again.  “How can I be strong if I can’t even save her * not there * and not here * I’m pathetic *|”

“(Remembering is part of saving.  You have back what you lost now, one whole Polypa can find a way.)”

She got up from the bench, giving you a pat on the shoulder to reassure you.  And with that she headed out, off to do, apparently miracle work.

“(Oh, and the names Boldir)” she gave you one last smile before leaving.

You wallow for a bit, you’ve earned it.  After drying your tears you get up yourself, a goal in mind.

“One whole Polypa * is about to kick some cue ball ass *|” you crack your knuckles and head out, a destination set and an ass to be kicked.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you all for reading!!! Hopefully I'll have the time to start something new soonish, but until then, you've been lovely readers!

Making your way to the Happy Absence Pit Park was a bit of a difficult task, since it didn’t have a GPS location.  If this were your scuttlebuggy maybe you’d give a shit about wasting tons of gas, but as it stands, you didn’t.  Regardless of difficultly you were going to complete this mad pit park hunt!  Luckily for you, it only took a few hours of driving around random stretches of wastes to find the shovel wielding troll.  He was currently digging some holes as you hopped out of the scuttlebuggy.

“Sorry_this_lots_already_reserved_for_a_fan_convention” he seemed rather chipper today.

“Not really looking for a plot for holes * more I’m looking for a patch of dirt that has white light coming out of it * seen anything like it *|” you figure asking him first is easier than having to look for it.

“And_why_do_you_wanna_know_where_such_a_lot_of_dirt_is?” he finally looks up at you, you half expect him to recognize you but he doesn’t.

“I’m uh * trying to disprove the existence of ghosts *|” he either hated ghosts or loved them you don’t remember which.

“Finally!__Someone_with_some_common_sense” he happily scrambles out of the hole.  “Right_this_way.”

This was turning out to be easier than expected, probably meaning it would be much difficult later on if your track record was anything to go by.  After about fifteen minutes of walking and idle chatter you see the light up ahead, it’s flickering skeeves Fozzer out.

“Well_there_it_is_goodluck_on_your_work” he quickly absconds after saying his farewell, you like him better this way.

You set about digging into the ground, not having a shovel being a lapse in foresight on your part, but you just use your hands.  It sucks.  After hundreds of handfuls get tossed aside you make contact with the frame.  Reinvigorated by this you hurry up to fully excavate it.  It was, less on this time, which was probably a bad sign.  You carry it out of the hole to actually look at it.  The front side was still like a window split into four smaller boxes, just all of them were dark.  The back was just one solid panel, so it probably wasn’t an issue with the batteries being dead.

“Just when I thought this would be easy *|” you had hope, but now this kinda crushed it.  “If I was a * living cue ball * how would I turn on my window *|”

The very low amounts of sanity in your question remind you of how crazy all this bullshit is.  Of course crazy was the name of the game these days so who really cared.  You tinker with it for a while, but you’re running out of nighttime.  You’ll have to figure it out in the safety of someone’s hive.  You head back to your scuttlebuggy, Fozzer waves you off.

“Glory_to_the_working_class” he seems much happier now.

“Uh * yeah * power to the people *|” you’re still not used to him though.

With weird window in tow you head off, you’ll need privacy to get this worked out.  Your hand hovers over the GPS, you put in Chahut’s address.  It should be empty still, and worse case scenario you just kill whoever’s there.  Halfway there the buggy kinda dies on you though, you now regret the aimless fucking around from before.  Not much time left before sun up, but you see a ranch not too far away.  Rushing to beat the sunrise you head over and knock on the door.  You hear footsteps and some barking from inside as you try and look as normal as possible.

“Well uh, hello?” this fairly tall troll answered the door, kinda of trying to hide the bat she was holding.  “Can I help yyou little ladyy?”

“Uh * yeah * sorry my scuttlebuggy broke down * and it’s too far back to my hive to make it before sun up * could I hide out here till night *|” you try and quickly blurt all this out, and not blush at being called little lady.

“Oh sure!” she tosses aside the bat and ushers you in.  “The names Skyylla, and this here is Ladyy.”

“It’s nice to meet you * I’m Polypa *|” you nod a greeting to the large lusus inside the hive.  “Sorry if I cause you two a scare *|”

“What?  Oh no, we’ve just had plentyy of bandit attacks round these parts so caution is needed, yyou know how it is.  Want something to drink?”

“Oh uh * water *|” you set the frame down leaning on a wall and head over towards a table.

“Sure thing” she pulls out some glasses for you both, filling them up and setting them on the table for you.  “So whyy are yyou all the wayy out here?  If you don’t mind me asking.”

“I was grabbing that frame * a friend of mine needs it real bad *|” it wasn’t, a total lie.

“A frame?  What for?”

“This * guy *|” you think this over for a second.  “He uh * kidnapped her matesprite * and is holding them ransom for the frame * but she’s too hurt to get it * so I did *|”

“Well shoot, that’s a real important frame I reckon” she eyes it trying to see if there’s anything special about it. 

“Yeah * I guess it is *|” you look at it too, you still have no clue how it works, and you can’t tinker with it here.

“How’s about me and Ladyy here give you a lift back come sundown?” Skylla’s offer was surprisingly well natured.

“That would be * amazingly helpful thank you *|” meeting a troll on this hell scape of a world who was actually nice from the get go was a new one for you.

“Don’t mention it Polyypa” she smiles at you, oh god were you a cow troll fucker too.

The two of you chat for a short while before your day of running about catches up to you.  Skyla gives you a spot to take a quick nap before sun down.  You have a strange dream, about a cow troll clown, it leaves you feeling a little unsettled, but also kinda turned on?  Regardless, you’re happy to be on the road again now that it’s night again.  Skylla makes good on her offer and drives you back to the city.

“Really * thank you for everything *|” she both literally and figuratively saved your life.

“Of course, I can’t turn myy back on a little ladyy in need” she gives you a smile, and her number, before heading back to her hive.

“Damn * if I didn’t have a clown I was about to fight god for * I could be getting with that *|” you let the thought of what could’ve been come and go, you keep the number though just in case this all goes to shit.

You set off for Chahut’s place, it’s a relatively fast trip, especially since time isn’t trying to end.  As far as you can tell it’s empty?  Her lusus probably wasn’t in there anymore it had been weeks after all.  You pop open a window and sneak inside just to be safe.  Of course, you weren’t that lucky as you landed a few feet in front of her rather large goat like lusus.

“Hey there * buddy * no need to freak out * it’s just me * Polypa * who you don’t know in this timeline right *|” you forgot about the whole time reset thing as it stood up to run you down.

After, roughly, three hours you manage to trap it in one of the blocks.  It shouldn’t give you too much trouble now.  Finally, you can get to work on this frame.  You set it down on the floor with some tools you found.  How hard could this be?

“WORK *|” you’ve resorted to hitting it with a stick, after hours of failed attempts to turn it on.

You throw you head back and let out a sound of agitation.  This stupid fucking frame, it wasn’t even flickering, how the hell did it give off that light before.  Scratch probably turned it off once you got too close.  Fuck you hated him.

“Stupid fucking cue ball * stupid fucking frame * stupid fucking everything *|” you throw one of the nearby pillows at a wall accidentally hitting a picture.  “Oh shit *|”

You go check it out, it’s of a younger Chahut.  The frame on it was broken so the picture had slid out on the floor.  You look at it for a bit before something clicks.  You pocket the picture before turning back to the frame.  This was either going to work, or ruin your chances entirely.  You had to risk it for clown.

“Last chance to turn it on for me * before I smash this shit *|” you were now brandishing a large club, readying the swing.

No reply, or turning on.  Time to, in a cinematically parallel way smash this frame into thousands of pieces.  You heft the club up to your shoulder, and with one big swing smash it down onto the frame.  With a bright flash of light you end up shattering part of the floor in that green room.

“So now you resort to just hitting things with a big stick” Scratch was sitting on a couch reading a newspaper.

“It worked * didn’t it *|” you gloat a bit to rub it in.

“And now what?” he gives you one of those looks.  “You’re going to cry till I reset time again?  Do you think that will change anything?”

“Actually * yeah * I just need you to put it back like * twenty more seconds on this timeline *|” you go for the high road first.

“Really, twenty more seconds is all you need?  I hardly believe you.”

“I just need to not swing the club * which is easy to do if you don’t put me back mid swing * really huge dick move that one just saying *|”

“I put you back to where time split, not my fault you were doing whatever at that exact point” he’s back to reading the paper.  “How about I just reset to there again and never have to see you again?”

“Oh yeah * like that will work * I’m here right now aren’t I * and I’ll keep coming back here as many times as I need to *|”

“So you’re going to annoy me into doing it?” he flipped one of the pages.

“Yeah * probably *|” you snag the paper out of his hands and rip it up.

“Really, my paper?”

“Yes * and next is your shoes * then the clock *|”

“Fine, destroy it, see if I care” he kicked off his shoes and pulled out another paper. 

“You don’t care about the clock anymore * after everything from last time *|” you found that hard to believe.

“Of course I don’t, our times almost up as is, what’s one more time ending catastrophe” ok now that was cryptic.

“What does that mean exactly *|”

“Our time, is almost up.  We don’t have too much longer to roll around in our misery, so go ahead and destroy it.”

“What happens when our time is up * is it another time stop thing * or like * end of the universe thing *|”

“I don’t know, what happens when you cease to exist?  Do you feel still, were you ever real?  These are questions we’ll know soon enough.”

“Then * why not reset time for your ol pal Polypa * huh *|” you might as well use his depressive episode to your advantage.

“Fine, I suppose I can, but don’t blame me when it’s all meaningless anyways” he puts his head in his hands and sighs.

“Thanks pal *|” you give him a chipper smile and wait.

“It was nice existing with you Polypa” with that, another what flash brings you back.

You swing into Chahut, knocking her over.  She looks back up to you.

“finish me” her words come out along with more of her blood.

Your hand tightens on the club, before you release it.  It drops to the ground behind you, you drop to your knees next to her.  You pull her head into your laps and cry, her expression shifts into a confused one by this.

“whaT are you doing” she slowly managed to sit back up facing you, only for you to throw yourself onto her knocking you both over.

“I’ve missed you so much * I forgot everything * but I came back for you *|” your words come out alongside more tears.

“whaT are you Talking abouT” your words were clearly lost on her.

“I * I can tell you all about it * but you have to promise me something *|” you roll off her, since she probably had a lot of broken bones.

“and ThaT would be whaT?”

“You let me take you out * on a date *|” you smile as you say this, looking up towards the sky.

“you’re a sTrange one” maybe you were going about this the wrong way.  “buT i guess i am Too.  sure.”

You put your hand on top of hers, it took a while, but you were right back where you were supposed to be.  Whatever bullshit was coming next, you’d come out on top, and with Chahut by your side.  This moment was interrupted by your palmhusk going off.

“You uh * you like anime by any chance *|” it was worth a shot.

“i mighT, why?”

“Wanna come to the * uh * Easter Alternia Fine Animated Arts Appreciation Society * and watch some *|”

“yeah, buT ThaT daTe beTTer noT be anime waTching.”

“I can swing that *|” you get up to your feet, a little wobbly from the fight.

You help her up, and then together you hobble off towards Tegiri’s place.  You were going to have quite the story to tell them.


	13. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah sue me I wanted to add an epilogue, partially to set up what I'm going to do next, and because you know, nyah.

It'd been a few weeks since Polypa and Chahut showed up to Tegiri's covered in blood and beat to hell.  According to them there was a crazy scuttlebuggy crash, nineteen different buggy somehow crashed into each other.  You're just glad the two of them made it out alright, and somehow ended up romantically involved?  You're also not too clear about how that happened, but you were super excited to have dating friends now.  Somehow their relationship also made Polypa feel the need to visit you more, a super plus, tonight was one of your moirail hangouts as she called them.

"You would not believe * I hardly do * how she does the hand signs * it's like * did she even watch the show *|" Polypa was doing the hand signs as she spoke, as if to show off how simple they are to do.  "Like * how can she have a full Naruto cosplay * but not know how to do these * it can't be her lack of dexterity because * I assure you * those hands are fast *|"

You give her the customary, please don't talk about how you have sex with Chahut look.  You didn't need a look that conveyed that emotion before, you kinda wish you didn't need it now.  But alas, here you were, using it.  She raised her hands up defensively.

"Fingering is not * ok yeah * I'll add it to the list *|" she adds it the list of activities her and Chahut do that she should not share with you.  "How did that party to went to go * the one with weird knife girl *|"

You tell her it was kind of a weird time, you definitely remember sitting around and reading poetry.  But you also super remember fucking an alien, and then said alien walking out on you and saying the sex was bad.  And also a third memory of having Bronya come in and take Lanque away before any boning happened, and getting his number.  Polypa just rolls her eyes a little.

"I think I know why * and my money's on a cue ball * don't worry you'll meet him soon enough * if he didn't 'Stop existing' *|" she says the stop existing line in a mocking tone, which only makes her statement even more confusing.  "Just uh * maybe pay your friend Fozzer a visit some time soon * that should explain it all *|"

Now you're confused as to how she knows Fozzer, he's just a weirdo who digs holes.  You shrug, it has been a while since you've seen him, and it's not fair to treat one friend worse than the rest.  Except for Ardata, you're still mad about her killing you.  Wait a second.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Scratch puts down his newspaper and gets up, brushing off his pants and sighing a little.  He slowly went around the room adjusting things here and there to make them look nicer.

"It really never ends these days" he turned on the computer and set it up for the coming reader.  "I suppose it's better than not existing, maybe by a little."

Scratch walked over and started writing something in a small notebook, it's not quite legible from here.

"Don't even think about it, someone else might tolerate you lot trying to get a sneak peak, but not me" he closed the book with a snap before ushering you out.  "Now, once and for all, good day."

 


End file.
